Biboran – International Edition
There was a God, and there was a Satan. There were human beings, and there were inhuman beings, and there was Alexander Gavrilovich Abdulov
Introduction[править | править код]
Once upon a time, Abdulov said:
“FUCK THE LAW! This is my town, this is my country, I will murder the children, I will be a robber, I will be the racketeer, I will be fighting drunk at the police station! I will kill all the cats mercilessly and throw their corpses over to my neighbor's territory, and then I will burn her house to steal her land; I will be a poacher, I will kill the endless amount of sturgeon fish and bring them through as the contraband; I will collect the money from the pathetic ones to build the church and actually spend it at the casino and having affairs with hookers, as I'm so ugly that everyone just wants to be my friend because of the money! I will poison them all with Vodka and Tobacco, and let that recipe sound clear to everyone - “Vodka and Tobaco is a source of good health”, so all the kids will start drinking and smoking after turning 3, just like me, the great actor and director! I'm going to live forever, because Vodka is a source of good health! And nothing bad will happen to me for all that, because I am Abdulov, and I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE LAW!!!!!! SO BE IT!”
The God has seen that, and The Satan has seen the same, the sentence then has been made for Abdulov, he is going to suffer in hell the way nobody have ever seen or experienced that! Abdulov went through all the circles, rings and bolgias of hell simultaneously.
Sentence of the old Satan to Alexander Gavrilovich Abdulov[править | править код]
Circle I: Lust
Abdulov was fucking everyone left and right. His ex-wife have told that story, although everybody knows Abdulov married a slut who already found herself a new husband, who is also hated by Abdulov's friends. His friends kicked her out of the ceremony where he was awarded with an “Oscar” type award postmortem. Also, Yermolnik has almost broke her face at the cemetery. There is also a new information about Abdulov being gay or bisexual. There are photos of him where he was half naked, wearing female attire, and drunk.
Circle II: Gluttony
Abdulov was a crazy alcoholic person, he smoked and drank from deep childhood, there is a picture of him with a cigarette when he was 2 years old. He taught everyone about Vodka and Cigarettes being a source of good health, he also said he drinks nothing but Vodka, and he's going to live forever.
Circle III: Greed
The actor has accumulated a whole lot of property worth $5M, he even burned his neighbor's house down in order to steal their land. Also, he was very wasteful. He was losing up to $100K at the Casino. The money was dirty of course, he stole it from the money donors who backed for church building with Lenkom. But in reality, he was wasting it at the Casino and spending some more for hookers.
Circle IV: Anger
You can't imagine something or someone more evil than Abdulov himself! The people for him were nothing but shit, he was beating everyone up, bullying them as well, and even before his death, he was swinging his fists in front of the camera, he was threatening and demanding the human shooting license. He was so evil, he always murdered the kittens and then he was throwing the packs of their corpses over to their neighbor's territory. He was mass murdering the sturgeon fish together with the poachers, there is even a picture of him cutting the sturgeon with an express of anger on his face. He was cutting that fish like The Satan's executioner!
Circle V: Heresy
Abdulov have organized the funding company for church building with the Lenkom gang. But the millions of dollars he earned on donations, were all wasted at the Casino and spent for hookers.
Circle VI: Violence
>>Ring I – The Murderers.>> Abdulov was kicking people up to death and yelling out “I don't fucking care about the law! I'm Abdulov, there's nothing you can do against me! Have you forgotten the country where you live?” repeatedly and he was proud of it, only trying to murder defenseless people. He was threatening his wife to make an abortion, she became disabled after this, then he got dumped her.
>>Ring II – The Suiciders>> Abdulov was trying to kill himself by cutting his veins kneeling by the basin, and he was proud of it.
>>Ring III – The blasphemers and sodomites>> As the darkest sinner, Abdulov claimed he was orthodox and “was building” the temples. Actually, he was stealing all the cash from his funding company, employing Tajik workers to paint the church for cheap, and then he claimed he built the church! As well he played the super devilish roles of satanists and the devils in the movies, and he was proud he will be taking the roles of the evil bastards.
Circle VII: Fraud
Bolgia I: Pimps and Seducers Abdulov was fucking the ladies, and then dumping them! After dumping them he was spreading terrible things about them!
Bolgia II: Flatterers As he despised people, he grovelled in front of a few to hide his true devilishly terrible self.
Bolgia III – Simoniacs He “built the church” with dirty money and sent his priests into “that church” (probably), who were possibly involved into the scheme of stealing the church money collected from the naive ones by Abdulov (which were supposed to be spent for the church repairs).
Bolgia IV – Fortune Tellers, The Diviners Abdulov claimed he is going to live forever, he also claimed to have a guardian angel. Abdulov also played many different roles of evil sorcerers and the other evil characters and he was proud of it.
Bolgia V – Grafters Abdulov was taking and extorting the money with threats. For example, after he agreed to play as Satan in a certain TV Series show and signed the contract, he then threatened to quit playing his role if his salary won't be doubled! Before his death, he demanded $25K from the journalists if they want to take an interview! He was a plaintiff in the court once, he demanded the compensation of $10M for each article about his sins from the journalists.
Bolgia VI – Hippocrates You will never find someone as sneaky as Abdulov. He nearly murdered a person in front of 50 witnesses, then he screeched like a stabbed pig, lying that everything was a setup! He also claimed all the 50 witnesses will confirm that in court!
Bolgia VII - Thieves Abdulov committed a theft in his neighbors' house, then he burned it and stole their land, then he blackened all the souls of the people in this country by sending them to hell. In the movie called “The Genius” he was always stealing something, in the cheap TV Series called “Next” he was a thief in law! He had the connections with the bandits and the thieves!
Bolgia VIII – Deceivers Abdulov advised Putin to ban Free Media in this country! As an actor, he always advised the directors on how to film movies, but once he became the director, he filmed the crappiest movies in the world worth nothing.
Bolgia IX – Disciples of Discord Abdulov always provoked the media, then he demanded to ban freedom in this country. He was instigating the drunk fights and then he moaned like a dying dog, claiming he was assaulted by the police at the cost of innocent people's lives!
Bolgia X – Falsifiers Abdulov lied his whole life slandering the people. There is a very good example of Abdulov's lies: He lied he wasn't traveling to Tibet and Kyrgyzstan before his death, he blamed people for their lies and he called the people to lynch all the journalists. Two days before his death when he was at the hospital, he managed to file a request to the police to find and bring the justice to the journalists who “stole his money from his nightstand”! It seems he knew he was a dead man, so he decided to do another bad thing at the epilogue of his life.
Circle VIII: Treachery
Abdulov betrayed his country, his friends. He left them all dying in poverty, hunger and cold. He didn't even care about House Abdulov by leaving nothing to inherit!
Abdulov's path of God-Satan[править | править код]
As Satan have passed the sentence over to the Old God, he fell into gloom and anger. And then The God exclaimed: “I have never seen a human being as terrible and pathetic as Abdulov for my eternal life!” And then with a disappointing tone he said: “I will kill Abdulov! This sentence must be effective immediately in hell! I will summon the curse of the curses, and Abdulov will suffer from AIDS, ulcers, cancer, and spinal metastases! That will show the people who actually Abdulov is by turning into his dystrophic body the scariest the humanity have ever seen, I will mix all the evil things on Earth and I will turn Abdulov into them, he will be scarier than death itself! SO BE IT!” Abdulov then was cursed by the scariest curse of the curses! Into creepy ghoul he turned into, the elders were losing their vision, the children were crying and even the digital matrix was bursting from Abdulov's creepiness. The God was pleased, thinking the people realized who exactly Abdulov is, and he was the same. But something went wrong! Meanwhile, Abdulov have replaced the God for the people, and stole everything that was good inside them! The people were not believing in God anymore, Abdulov fooled them, who taught everyone to love Vodka and Tobacco for 10 years over every single TV screen in their houses! All the Earth's worst children were saving the evil ghoul Abdulov for a bunch of dirty green papers, they were taking him to Tibet and Israel for the best medical assistance and the criminal oligarch doctors were trying to heal him with medicine for cows and donkeys! But all the efforts were in vein, as he was getting cured from AIDS, thinking the dirty Pig-Man have fucked everything that is crawling on and under the earth, for money; the lost souls did not realize Abdulov was cursed by the God! But Abdulov knew everything, calm he was, as he knew what he is going to expect in Hell. He obviously knew he had no other choice but to kill The God and take his place! All he had to do now is to bribe some souls of the people he killed and tortured to buy himself a ticket to heaven, where will start the genocide of The God! Then the day of joy has come, when the corpse has collapsed on the ground like a bag of trash. Abdulov's corpse was getting rotten, on his face the hellish smile that despised all the life forms was seen. So unaware the people were about going to hell together with Abdulov! The people have followed Abdulov to hell, a crowd has gathered as big as back to Stalin's funeral. The crowed carried Abdulov's coffin, the popes were leading the crowd. And these Popes were Abdulov's partners in crimes, by stealing the money for their church! The popes were bribed, as Abdulov's heart that was full of hate to the whole humanity, they didn't impale with the aspen stake. And Abdulov's wife was there as well, what a sneaky bitch she was, her surname wasn't even real! She ordered the plebs to carry the demon they way he won't get out of his coffin. But they didn't listen to her and attacked her, she took over 9000 hits to the face. That evil witch was crying with bitter tears afterwards. She realized the demon will get out of hell, because the popes did not impale Abdulov's heart with the aspen stake. Abdulov's wife will never be able to steal Abdulov's inheritance he stole for himself! Abdulov was buried without placing a heavy 40-ton huge tomb rock on his grave that would prevent him from crawling out of his grave. The people didn't pay attention to that, except his wife, who knew that would lead to mankind's total annihilation. And so was it! A few days later, an unclean and devilish ghost has appeared on Abdulov's grave, and someone was able to take a picture of that very ghost! Almost all the newspapers have started to spread the word about the ghost, and the entire planet was put on a state of Abdulov's Red Danger. But that was late. Through the night, Abdulov has dug through the 2 meters of dirt, crawling his rotting body out of the dirt and went on to keep doing everything evil. Everything about that was written in all the newspapers. Abulov's dug open grave was even shown on TV. But Abdulov's wife was the only one who knew the truth, so right after Abdulov's resurrection, she transported an armored 40-ton block using BelAZ truck, and crushed the Undead Abdulov down, so he won't crawl out of hell. Then, Abdulov's wife has went on stealing the inheritance without any worries, kicking Abdulov's hellish mother and his alcoholic stepbrother out of the house! But no one, except Abdulov, knew about the scariest nightmare! The game has just begun, and Abdulov's last sneaky undead escape from the grave was a success – he gathered the last drop of the souls tortured by him to bribe himself a ticket to heaven, because the sins like corruption, abomination, and debauchery, have swallowed almost the entire earth thanks to Abdulov, letting them partially infiltrate to haven! And on the 40th day, when the Grim Reaper has come after his rotten body and asked him - “What color is your pass?”. Abdulov stood up into the combat pose and kicked the Reaper right in the head, screaming “FUCK THE LAW, I'M ABDULOV! HERE IS MY TICKET! IT'S AS GREEN AS MY ABOMINABLE ROTTEN SKIN AND BODY!”. And then Abdulov flew up to heaven at the cost of his victims' sufferings! Abdulov has appeared in front of the God, who god shocked from the nightmare of corruption and debauchery created by Abdulov, both even somehow found it's way into heaven. But the God wasn't surprised for too long. Abdulov strikes with a masterful face punch right into God's face, screaming out “I WILL KILL YOU, I SWAR TO MY MOTHER! I WON'T BE PUNISHED FOR THAT, I'M ABDULOV! I NEVER FUCKING CARED ABOUT THE LAW, YOU WILL NO LONGER DO ANYTHING IN YOUR LIFE, I REMEMBERED YOU!”. Abdulov dropped the dumbfounded God in front of him and started to kick him hard with his legs, yelling with his annoying gay hellish voice “FUCK THE LAW!”, just like on the Lenkom's scene. So Abdulov fucked everyone up! Even the Angels! Choking everyone to death and ripping them into pieces, just like the way he was killing the cats back to his summer house! He threw the Angel's corpses into Hell to terrorize the Satan, just like he terrorized his neighbor in the past by throwing cats' corpses over to her premises. And it worked! When the Satan ran away from hell scared shitless, Abdulov grabbed the Satan and started to kick the shit out of him! He was cutting through everything alive – the Angels, the Demons, but he left the God and the Satan alive for the great punishment. After that, he brought that cross from the temple he built for the stolen millions of dollars, then he placed it in Hell, then he nailed both the God and the Satan into the cross, then he connected the electricity conductors. As the result – Abdulov killed both the God and the Satan, because he turned that cross into the electric cross called “Nightmare”, which only Abdulov could invent behind the scenes of Lenkom. After the ultimate punishment, he grabbed the bloody gibs with his long and scary hands and threw them into space. The throw was strong enough so the gibs flew away towards Alpha Centauri! But Abdulov wanted more. He wanted to become both the God and the Satan to punish the people forever along with the cats and sturgeon fish, not to mention the aliens. He also wanted to be an Overlord of The Galaxy, most likely an Overload of The Universe itself! Abdulov has created his own hell – Abdulov's Hell! Right at the center of Galaxy, in the black hole it is located! So Abdulov created his own hell, and all the human souls have started to come in, and the off the hell punishments were expecting the souls. Everyone was going to hell, because after the creation of Abdulov's hell, the world has gotten dirty in sins, so now every single human's child would go to hell either way! But Abdulov was way too busy. He needed somebody to punish each human being with the excessive violence of Abdulov, because he killed all the haven's Angels and the Demons of old traditional hell! And so Abdulov has planned the “Abdulov's Plan”: I must recruit the demons from the worst of the human beings! But Abdulov's dilemma was simple to explain: Abdulov has killed the Satan, but the Satan's spirit is still persisting in these puny ones. But if he will end their lives by his own hand, the old Satan's spirit will not get out of them, they will all fall down into Abdulov's Hell and they will be boiling in there. But Abdulov wanted to copy the evil souls from the puny ones so the second projection would help commanding the Hell and torturing people, including themselves and the God-Satan Abdulov himself! The God-Satan Abdulov was cursed with one more curse before the Old God died: Abdulov is going to boil in his own Hell, which is still not excluding the mighty power of God-Satan Abdulov over the Abdulov's Universe, that even makes Abdulov more of a mighty and evil God-Satan, but instead he was stigmatized with the intolerable pain, followed up be the more intense pain: Stronger tortures made Abdulov more of an evil and inhuman from all the intolerable pain. From all that pain, he just goes on and tortures himself and the other living beings in the universe more and more, but first and foremost – torturing the pathetic human beings. Abdulov has coined out an urban tale – the old Satan's spirit must be beaten out of the damn humans by the humans themselves. Abdulov then said - “I will chose the Prophet I'm going to talk to! I will make him build The Church of Abdulov's Hell, inside of which the spirit of the Old Satan will be getting beaten out of the evil earthans. I will make them hate me, because I'm the God-Satan, neither the God, nor the Devil. I feed myself not on the people's love, but on their hate towards me, because I'm the one who's selfish and evil. The human hate, which is going to be created by my children, will show me how the people are sick of me, and that is the best gift from the humans, aside from their pathetic souls which are going to be boiling in my Abdulov's Hell! And to motivate the believers in Abdulov's Faith to praise me, I will give them the only chance to avoid the hellish tortures for 10000 years, and aside from that, I will give them some room with me in Hell, where they can torture the cats and sturgeon fish on a daily basis! They will get 40 sturcatgeons! So be it!”. And so it was! And so Abdulov has chosen a task to harvest the internet fields, because the people has gotten dirty in nasty sins, even the Pedophilia it also was! How many heresy and evil things are getting leaked online, and the old Satan is showing his grin. And Abdulov was happy about his plan, because he was a crud of the cruds, and he was more cunning than a snake! So then, the Herods have gained their freedom on Earth, knowing the sweetness of the sins the God-Satan has given them by tempting their unclean souls. They have succumbed to the tempting. “But I need a person who's heart and soul are clean, the one who is going to lead the armies to fight against the old Devil's spirit! Hear my words!” - Abdulov exclaimed, sending his order through time and space. Then the Prophet of Abdulov's Faith has appeared, and he created The Church of Abdulov's Hell, by the millions of Adepts created it was. Abdulov's hellish amorate has spread through all the Internets and the Abudlov's Nets of Abdulov's Earth! And there it is – the list of eternal spaces of Abdulov's Faith! Everyone who would see the greatness of it, would hail in front of the honor, the honor of Abdulov's Vision, the only right and scientifically proven religion!
The commandments of Abdulov's faith:[править | править код]
- Alcohol is the source of life.
- Tobacco is the source of life.
- FUCK THE LAW!
- The punishment of Pedophiles is eternal.
- There is no other God-Satan than Abdulov himself
- It doesn't matter when the punishment has been done, it cannot be avoided.
AbduLore[править | править код]
Holy-hellish holidays and rituals of Abdulov's Faith:
Abdulov's Jihad is a holy war of the followers of Abdulov's Faith and God-Satan Abdulov against the ones who God-Satan is pointing his finger at to beat the old Satan's spirit out of them. Abdulov's Jihad lasts forever. After the subject's death, Abdulov's Jihad gets stronger. The only way to stop the Abdulov's Jihad is swearing to God-Satan Abdulov himself by reading the Abdulov's prayers, recognizing the God-Satan, denying the Faggotry, Pedophilia, other sins, and actions that aren't approved by the Abdulov's Scientists of The Church of Abdulov's Hell.
The holy month of Abdulov “I'm gonna fuck you up, Abdulov's Style!
The holy month for the followers of Abdulov's Faith “I'm gonna fuck you up, Abudlov's Style!” is the month of Abdulov's last agony near death. At that period, the bastard was going crazy and bullying the mankind. The bright example is the story of Abdulov demanding 25000 euros for an interview before his death, swinging the fists in front of the camera and yelling “BASTARDS! IDIOTS!” and blatantly lying (just as always), and then he crawled onto the scene like the corpse from hell to get awarded with the Thief's medal, and then he scared everyone with his hellish face. But the most important thing is – that bastard Abdulov has filed a request to the police to find and bring the justice to the journalists, who came to take pictures of his rotting body, “stole his money from his nightstand”! It seems he knew he was a dead man, so he decided to do another bad thing at the epilogue of his life! The journalists then were arrested for no reason, then they were released when the demon has died for good.
Abdulov's Fasting is a holy month of “I'm gonna fuck you up, Abdulov!” when our Adepts are always fasting: they get on the internet, and they start posting a ton of posts with Abdulov. For their hard efforts, The Adepts are getting the leniency of the Holy-hellish Thanksbitching, Ansha Abdul!
The holy phrases of Abdulov's faith considered as Abdulov's prayers:
- Ansha Abdul!
- ANSHA ABDUL! ANSHA ABDUL! FOR ABDULOV'S FAITH!
- Alcohol is the source of life
- FUCK THE LAW!!!
- I'LL KILL YOU, I SWEAR TO MY MOTHER!
- Abdul's thinking is a snake's thinking
- This is Abdu-cool!
- Onward for Abdulov's Faith!
The procedure of becoming an Abdulov's Scientist and an Adept of Abdulov's Faith[править | править код]
Any person can become a part of Abdulov's Faith if they recognize the greatness of the God-Satan. They become a part of a whole number of followers of Abdulov's Faith all over the galaxy. After that, they change their avatars/profile pictures to the picture of Abdulov and then they start spreading the Abdulov's Faith by any means necessary, especially creating the video channels with the references to Abdulov containing videos uploaded from the other channels. Ideally, all the Adepts of the Church look like one, and during the conversions when they talk to each other, an illusion of them talking to themselves is coming to effect, which is strengthening their faith about all the Abdulov's Scientists, the Adepts, and the God-Satan himself are the one whole, where he is the part of them and they are the part of him. This holy scripture of Biboran was created on the information received from Abdulov's Hell passed over to our Prophet who created Abdulov's Faith – the fastest growing religion on this planet, the region that is mostly proven scientifically, the religion that is mostly fair, the religion that is useful and it's the only one religion that is mostly right in the galaxy! A decade later, a certain Adept has localized this holy scripture in the International/Interplanetary/Intergalactic language to make it available for reading to everyone in the galaxy! Oh, the almighty Abdulov, here are the Adepts! I've brought them to you, now give them what you will give me. I dare praying you, because I want six cats extra for all my hardest efforts! Ansha Abdul!
Abdu-Ayahs[править | править код]
- The holy place of Abdulov is his own hell, and we are all going to be there. Ansha Abdul! This is Biboran, the holy book!
- The prophet Abdul and God-Satan Abdulov are brothers, and the Satan, and the Hell are near by at the same time.
- Oh great Abdul, I hail in front of you.
- We don't need anything else but Abdulov, and we don't need a God, neither a Satan, we just need Abdulov.
- The head from Abdulov's corpse got separated from the body and crawled on like in Dead Space, and that's wasn't a mirage, that was real, and everyone has witnessed that.
- On Abdulov's side are you, or sided for Abdulov's faith you are? Aren't you sided for the God-Satan, or Satan-God? It's up for you to decide, my brother. Make a decision, until your decision will be predetermined by Abdulov's clans.
- Sad I was with Abdulov. I was, and I'm going to punish him with the phosphorous torchlight that is made of the phosphorus collected from Abdulov's corpse!
- We've mastered the poetry, haven't we? Isn't that an evidence of the truth of our faith! We've finally got our own scribes – the Abdulov's Scribes!
- People say we are just 41 prophets, but they are unaware about our actual number of 41 million! The rest are just giving testing humans on the special abdu-net, always reserving the chosen ones and preparing another coming of good things.
- Abdulov and Marat, who are they? Google for “Marat Saychenko, Abdulov” and you will learn the scariest truth forever.
- No one cares, there always was “I'll probably do that tomorrow”, but Abdulov's Adepts do care, and they are already preaching and saving this world from hell, praying and doing good things with all their body parts.
Abdu-Ayahs about Judas of the Ozone Layer[править | править код]
“Ozon” must be finished now, we have realized it just now. The fat abominable bastard Judas with the fat belly full of fumed abomination is vomiting from his bug-eyed monitors.
The fat carcass is going through, it murdered someone, it stinks of fumed fire water, and curses of a redneck were coming out of it's mouth, and the weight of that animal from top to it's belly was uncountable. And we all were unaware, Abdulov is watching him, and the Judas of the Ozone Layer will be punished by the ridge of steel Abdu-tomorrow.
His weight was a whole quintal, he was very fat, and his further steps were harder and harder to make under the cargo of Abdulov's atmospheres, as soon it will crush his ozone cloud of poisonous liquid that his belly contained, it won't take that long.
And the fat evil caterpillar was threatening, swinging with swearings of cast iron back and forth, showing it's anger. But it was not aware of it's meeting with the God-Satan, it's deformed legs were leading it towards the road of hyena, the mold has started to cover the lips of a dying boar.
And we didn't know “Ozon” was living in Moscow, and despite a lot of people from Muslim nations are coming to this city, the moron kept bragging about them. How is this kind of trash was born in this world?
Oh “Ozon”, how many abominations are coming out of your foul mouth while it was full of garbage... Oh, more of his video we don't need, we saw him planting the seeds of hate within us, and now the plants have grown and Ozon's throat was blocked by a rock, summoned by the good comments.
“Shut the fuck up, Ozon!” people were repeatedly shouting at him from outside while doing the round dance, but he didn't hear them as he was busy drinking that very same fumed liquid, because the fat Herods like him were not able to earn much on people's suffering.
And the special operation has begun, the objective was to eliminate the fat bastard Ozon. The house was breached, Ozon was taken outside and tied to the tractor's back by his fat and heavy legs. The tractor has started to go, the fat boar Ozon was screeching in pain. The people has finally re-obtained the happiness, and the children went outside to take a look at that fat pig. “We have never seen this kind of a fat pig before.” the kids were yelling.
The God-Satan has put a curse on that filthy hog Ozon, the curse has spread through his organism's mentally indecent soul. So he peed with blood in fear, and cried with saliva mixed with pus. He asked then “Why is this happening to me? I'm just a fool who can't see his way.” But the great Ansha will never be tricked. Through the universe, Abdulov watched over him. All the time, he was preparing a place in hell for the Neo-Gopnik.
>>The Victories of Abdulov's Faith over the evil:[править | править код]
12/02/2011 – Ozon671Games has been perished
The holy Biboran will be finished eventually
|Biboran: International Edition - часть Абдулокультуры адептов|