BIBORAN — New Covenant
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BIBORAN: New Covenant — International Edition
And there was the God, and there was the Satan, and there were humans, and there were non-humans, and there was Alexander Gavrilovich Abdulov…
Chapter Zero[править | править код]
Verse I — The Prologue[править | править код]
THEN ABDULOV SAID:
The God witnessed it all, and so did Satan, and he decreed the sentence for Abdulov, that he is going to be tortured in hell the way nobody have ever seen or experienced that! Abdulov managed to get into all the circles, rings and bolgias of hell simultaneously!
Verse II — The Life of Alexander Abdulov[править | править код]
God knew everything, and he saw everything, and God also pronounced a death sentence on him until the end of time. And it is based on the facts of Abdulov’s life. God conveyed his sentence to Satan through the angels, and the Evil One approved of it, for he himself was surprised and puzzled by the such darkness of the soul of the filthy stinky human.
Chapter I[править | править код]
Verse I — The Sins of Alexander Abdulov[править | править код]
Circle I — LUST[править | править код]
Abdulov was fucking everyone left and right. His ex-wife have told that story. Even though everybody knows that Abdulov had married a slut who had already found herself a new husband, and who was also utterly hated even by Abdulov’s friends, even so, that they kicked her out of the ceremony where he was posthumously awarded with an «Oscar» type award. Also, Yermolnik had almost broke her face at the cemetery.
In addition to the new information, Abdulov used to practice sodomy, as there are photos of him where he was half naked, wearing makeup and female attire, while being drunk.
Circle II — GLUTTONY[править | править код]
Abdulov was an insane fucking drunkard, he smoked and drank from his infancy, there is a picture of him with a cigarette when he was 2 years old.
He taught everyone about Vodka and Cigarettes being a source or even the embodiment of good health, he also stated that he drinks nothing but Vodka, and he’s going to live forever.
Circle III — GREED[править | править код]
The actor had accumulated a whole lot of property worth $5 million dollars, he even burned his neighbour’s house down in order to steal her land.
Also, he was very wasteful. He was consistently losing up to $100K at the Casino in a single night. The same dirty money that he allegedly collected for the church construction along with the Lenkom, was squandered at the Casino and wasted on hookers. MORE!
Circle IV — ANGER[править | править код]
It’s hard to imagine more rotten scumbag than Abdulov! The humans for him were nothing but shit, he was indiscriminately beating up anyone and bullying them as well. Even before his death, he was swinging his fists in front of the camera, threatening and demanding the human shooting license.
He was so cruel, that he would constantly murder the kittens and then throw over the packs of their corpses onto his neighbour’s property. He was mass murdering the sturgeons along with the poachers, there is even a picture of him cutting the sturgeon with an expression of anger on his face. He was cutting that fish like The Satan’s executioner!
Circle V — HERESY[править | править код]
Abdulov organized a personal funding scheme for the construction of the churches along with the Lenkom gang. But the millions of dollars in donations were all squandered at the Casino and wasted with hookers.
Circle VI — VIOLENCE[править | править код]
Ring I — Murderers[править | править код]
Abdulov was beating humans up to death and squealing out:
…and he took pride in this. Moreover, he was trying to murder or violently beat up exclusively defenseless humans.
Under threats he forced his wife to have an abortion, resulting in her becoming disabled only to get rid of her.
Ring II — Suiciders[править | править код]
Abdulov was trying to kill himself by cutting his veins kneeling by the basin, and he was proud of it.
Ring III — Blasphemy[править | править код]
As the darkest sinner, Abdulov claimed he was an orthodox christian and «was building» the temples. In reality, he was snatching all the funds from his foundation, employing Tajik workers to paint the church for a pittance, and then he claimed that he built the church!
At the same time he played the super vicious roles of satanists and the devils in the movies, and he took pride in the fact that he will be taking the roles of the wreched bastards.
Circle VII — FRAUD[править | править код]
Bolgia I — Pimps and seducers[править | править код]
Abdulov was fucking the women, and then dumping them! After he dumped them he was spreading all sort of shit about them!
Bolgia II — Flatterers[править | править код]
As he despised humans, he grovelled in front of a few to hide his true rotten and terrible identity!
Bolgia III — Simoniacs[править | править код]
He «built the church» with dirty money and dispatched his own priests into «that church» (apparently), who were most likely involved into the scheme of stealing the church funds, collected from all the naive dupes by Abdulov himself (which were supposed to be spent for the church repairs).
Bolgia IV — Fortune Tellers, The Diviners[править | править код]
Abdulov claimed he is going to live forever, he also claimed to have a guardian angel. Abdulov also played many different roles of sorcerers and the other disgusting scumbag characters, and was pround of it.
Bolgia V — Grafters[править | править код]
Abdulov took and extorted money under threats. For example, after agreeing to play Satan himself in a TV Series and signing the contract, he then threatened to quit if his fee won’t be doubled!
On his deathbed, he demanded $25 000 from the journalists for an interview! He even went to the extent of suing journalists, as he demanded the compensation of $10 000 000 for each article about his sins.
Bolgia VI — Hippocrates[править | править код]
You will never find someone as despicable as Abdulov! He nearly murdered a person in front of 50 witnesses, and then lied on TV program, claiming that he was set up, squealing like a slaughtered pig that those 50 humans would testify in court to confirm it!
Bolgia VII — Thieves[править | править код]
Abdulov robbed his neighbours, then set their house on fire and stole the land right after, then he stole, tarnished and blackened all the souls of the humans in this country by condemning them and ensuring their eternal damnation in hell.
In the movie called «The Genius» he was always snatching something, in the cheap TV Series called «Next» he was a thief in law! He had the connections with the bandits and the thieves!
Bolgia VIII — Deceivers[править | править код]
Abdulov advised, even demanded Putin to ban Free Media in this country!
As an actor, he always advised the directors on how to make movies, but once he himself became the director, he filmed the shittiest movies in the world, completely devoid of any talent, utterly worthless trash.
Bolgia IX — Disciples of Discord[править | править код]
Abdulov always provoked the media, demanding later to restrict any freedom in this country.
He would engage in drunken fights and then he cried like a dying dog, claiming he was assaulted by the cops, while innocent humans paid their lives because of it!
Bolgia X — Falsifiers[править | править код]
Abdulov lied his entire life spreading slander about the humans. There is a very good example of Abdulov’s lies: on his deathbed, he lied that he had never been to Tibet and Kyrgyzstan. He blamed humans for their lies and he called the humans to lynch all the journalists.
Two days before his death when he was at the hospital, he managed to file a complaint to the cops alleging that the journalists stole his money from his nightstand! It seemed like he knew that he was going to die, so he wanted to do one more vile thing at the end of the line.
Circle VIII — TREACHERY[править | править код]
Abdulov betrayed his country and his friends. He left them all dying in poverty, hunger and cold. He didn’t even care about his own House of Abdulov by leaving nothing to inherit!
Verse II — The Supreme Court[править | править код]
Considering every Abdulov’s sin, looking at every moment of Abdulov’s life, God became even more indignant. Throughout history, God saw many generations and civilizations that were feverishly erased by him for their sinfulness and blasphemy, and he saw many ancient cities that were turned to dust by him. But the behavior of this stinking human was too much for the human race. Once upon a time, God gave humans one last chance by sending a shepherd into the world as his prophet. However, this time patience ran out, and God finally decided not to torture himself with patience and not to send a flotilla to the sinful Earth to save it.
«That’s enough for me! I have tolerated human race for centuries and millennia! I expected humans to strive to live according to my commandments, but they are stupid and ignorant. And I have no longer any strength to send a messenger into the human world, so that with their stupidity they would destroy it. And I will act wisely, but fairly…» — God said, only wanting to destroy human race for its dark bastardity.
«Wait, are you already tired of your children? So why did you condemn me so long? Be merciful, even I exclaim to you that you can give them a chance» — the Devil resisted, for he had a plan.
«Don’t you want to collect more souls for hell? So, for a long time I allowed you to fill the souls of my children with sins, and I gave the 13th Apostle to you, for we had an agreement. And your evil plan known to me from time immemorial, since you renounced blind obedience. You brazenly whisper to humans, passing off sinful things as necessary, forcing them to break my commandments, sowing the seeds of dissent» — God answered the objection of the Evil One.
«Has love now become sin, Father? Or has the fear of death that you yourself instilled in them, and the selfishness that you gave them, now become objectionable? I just give them advice, and they choose for themselves» — Satan said.
«You have distorted my concepts, imposed false ideals, and now you dare to accuse me? And I have never seen greater impudence when my creatures contradict me, the great Creator, saying that I am wrong, because I do not rely on blind morality, which has eclipsed the strength of spirit and clarity of mind» — God said.
«So will you call the intention to kill your son righteous, since it will be done in your name, and you still speak about justice? I am more humane, I have given humans joy for thousands of years, harvests, love, art, faith, wealth, power over nature! But you wanted them to live under your auspices for all eternity, like laboratory rats, not knowing what life really is? Leave them defenseless in front of the wildness of nature, incapable of knowledge?» — exclaimed the Evil One.
And God began to think, because once again subjecting the world to total genocide as punishment for the pettiness, greed and weakness of the human race, which he created, was usual thing already. World wars, mass deaths, disasters and mass media that he and the Devil sent to Earth could no longer stop human sinfulness. And God realized that they need to start a new era anew. And now, after a billionth of a nanosecond, he exclaimed:
«What are you suggesting again?»
«Of course, I am not suggesting that you create a rock that you cannot lift, oh almighty…» — the Devil said slyly.
«Do not test my patience, for I can destroy the human race at any moment…» — the Lord answered menacingly.
«In the human world I knew the one stinky little human that was black in soul, and his sins were terrible. Abdulov his name, you know his sins very well. He is no better than mortal scum, but no worse than I am» — Satan suggested.
«What are you waiting for, speak up boldly» — God ordered.
«I’m talking about the same thing. If you don’t want to give me your sons, who are always nearby, so give me this scum, if you want. He will take away the sins and darkness of all humanity. And he will live in terrible agony, being crucified, just like your Jesus. And dying like a parasite, he will feel your punishment, and he will atone for his sins for the Earth and all of humanity» — Satan added to his proposal.
And then God exclaimed:
Verse III — The Higher Will[править | править код]
And Abdulov was cursed with the most terrible punishment and illness that humanity had never seen before! His already ugly body was transformed into an even more disgusting, creepy and rotten monstrosity. The elderly went blind from the sight of him, and the children cried with fear on their faces when they saw him! Even the matrices of digital cameras burst from his ugliness! And God was pleased, thinking that humans understood who Abdulov was and always was, and would be crucified for human sins. But something went wrong…
The Evil One hid some of his thoughts, although he was not full of secrets. After all, greed had long since settled in human souls, Satan rejoiced — his spirit lived in everyone, even in an infant, filling his soul with darkness, making the innocence of children scream in horror in the face of the Fall.
And the worst of the sons of the Earth began to save the scoundrel from the scoundrels for dirty green pieces of paper, treating him in Israel and Tibet. And these criminal oligarchic doctors began to treat him with pills for cows and donkeys! But their efforts were still in vain, because Gavrilych was treated for AIDS, believing that the dirty pig-man had sex for money with everything that crawls above and below the ground. The lost souls of humans were never able to know the truth that it was God who cursed Abdulov!
But Abdulov knew this, and he was calm, because he understood what awaited him in Hell. The scoundrel realized that he had no other choice, but he heard a voice in his head that calmed his wild nature. The stinking and rotting demon carried its voice in his mind, revealing the deepest secrets of the human world, making him the most powerful damned scum that the world has seen in the last hundred centuries. And having been imbued with secret knowledge, he was not afraid of the terrible fate. He decided that he was the filthy Antichrist, which was predicted in these writings by prophets and heretics.
Verse IV — The Awakening of the Demon[править | править код]
And then the day of joy came, when the deathly rotten corpse fell to the ground, like a bag of slop. He began to rot and decay, and a hellish smile with disgust for all living things was imprinted on his face, which was also the case during the scoundrel’s life. After all, the human race had no idea that they would follow him to Hell!
And they followed him to Hell. This came true, a crowd gathered, as at the funeral of the same scumbag Stalin, and carried his coffin. And the Orthodox priests led him. The same ones who committed crimes with him and stole money from the same crowd to build their own church.
And there was Abdulov’s wife Meshana, a vile whore to the core of her ass, whose last name is not even real. She ordered the plebeians which side to carry the demon so that it would not come out again. But they did not listen to her and committed an act of assault on her, after which the witch burst into tears of bitter tears.
She realized that a demon would come out of Hell, because even an aspen stake had not been driven into his heart, so she would never be able to steal the heritage previously stolen by Abdulov without troubles.
And they buried Gavrilovich, and they didn’t even install a 40-ton block, so that he wouldn’t crawl out of the wicked soil. And so that everyone could feel in the depths of their souls, if the holy spirit whispered to them, that this is an unclean thing, and a considerable deal of the devil’s work is hidden here.
Humans did not pay attention, except for Gavrilych’s wife, who had long known what this would lead to — to great sorrow and death of all humankind. And so it became! A few days later, an unclean demonic ghost appeared on Abdulov’s grave, which was photographed.
He was full of occult knowledge, but having become insignificant in our world, he could not dig his body out of the ground in order to return to it and bring his rot into the world, like Stalin and Hitler, owning souls and commanding humans. And attempts were made to prevent this from happening, and guards were posted, and the dogs themselves laid their chests on the grave, so as not to allow the evil Herod to dig up the Earth and move into his rotting corpse. Only Abdulov’s wife knew the truth, and immediately after this great uprising of the dead, she brought a reinforced concrete block weighing as much as 40 tons, crushing the dead man so that the dead-hell Gavrilych would not crawl out of Hell forever and ever.
So she went on to steal Abdulov’s inheritance, now with calmness. With such calmness that she kicked Abdulov’s hellish mother and her alcoholic stepbrother out of the Abdulovs’ house with a kick in the ass. But no one except Gavrilovich himself knew another terrible horror. Feeding on the souls of the recently deceased, filling himself with strength to remain in the human world, reaping human hatred more and more, he appealed to the powers of heaven. For there was no concept of time for God, for every hour from our world was for him faster than the flight of a light quantum in endless space.
And when, on the fortieth day, Death with a scythe came for the decomposing corpse and asked what color his pass was, Abdulov stood up and kicked her with a cry:
Verse V — The Grekhopizdets[править | править код]
And Abdulov ascended to heaven through the deep suffering of his victims, through the prayers of bastards in orphanages and mourners at the bedside! And he appeared before God and the devil, as if he was ready to be crucified and atone for the sins of the human race with his torments. But the heavenly rulers did not know that Abdulov had already accumulated enough evil, feeding on the darkness of the human rabble in ever larger portions. The pitiful little man was filled to his fill with someone else’s mind, feeding on the universal wisdom that the devil told him. The unclean Abdulov waved his right hand, collecting the sins of each soul in order to unite them in one, and he thrust all the evil and darkness into his own spirit. And indescribable suffering pierced like meat hooks into Abdulov’s spirit. He learned an extraordinary amount of everything, and at that moment he learned to control the ominous darkness.
And the Devil went crazy as fuck, and God was indignant…
But God was not surprised for long. Abdulov skillfully struck God right in the snout with a cry:
He knocked down God, dumbfounded by the impudence, in front of him, and began to beat him with his feet, screaming in a disgusting hellish high-pitched fag voice:
—…just like on the Lenkom stage. |
And then Satan became even more annoyed, for he had not seen such impudence for millennia. God was defeated, becoming a victim of his own cunning. And as usual, there is no light without dark, and the Devil just set out to proclaim Abdulov the new scourge of the human race, when he immediately received a refusal with the message to fuck himself, the same as received by little-known directors who could not offer Gavrilych a sufficient fee.
So Abdulov proclaimed himself the one evil and GOOD. And he began to kill all the angels and demons. He strangled them, tore them into pieces, just as he killed the cats in his country house. Abdulov threw the corpses of all the angels into hell in order to terrorize Satan, just as he terrorized his neighbor during his lifetime by throwing up the corpses of the cats he had killed. It worked! When Satan ran out of hell in horror, he grabbed him and started kicking him too! When the demons bowed their black heads before him in horror, he pissed on each one, dissolving their immortal essences and the remainder of their devilish dignity!
This is how Gavrilovich cut out all living things in heaven and under the Earth. Nevertheless, he kept the bodies of God and Satan with him as trophies, and brought the cross from the very temple for the construction of which he stole millions of dollars. He installed this cross in Hell, nailed God and Satan to it and applied electricity to this cross. As a result, he even managed to illuminate the entire darkness of the hellish wastelands, because it was no longer just a cross, but already an electro-cross «UZHAS», which only Abdulov could have invented in the backstage of Lenkom. After all, he grabbed these bloody scraps with his long ugly claws and threw them into space, so hard that they flew off to Alpha Centauri!
The dream of the terrible scum came true, and He became one God and the Devil, God-Satan, and He got the opportunity to punish humans forever, and torture cats forever, and sturgeons, and aliens, and generally rule the galaxy, or even the entire universe! And Abdulov began to create His own hell — ABDULOV’S HELL! In the center of the galaxy, in a black hole!
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And He created Hell, and He made the stars revolve around Him. And He began to tear apart space and time, sending His influence into the past and future, foreshadowing the complete akhtung everywhere. And all human souls began to go there, and there were super-hellish tortures there, and everyone was now going to Hell, because after the construction of Abdulov’s Hell, the general grekhopizdets began, and now every son of the human race is going to Hell in any case!
Verse VI — The AbduloPlan[править | править код]
But Abdulov was puzzled. He did not have servants to torture every human with maximum AbduloCruelty, since He killed all the angels of the old heaven and the demons from the old traditional hell.
And AbduloPlan came to Abdulov’s mind:
But Abdulov had a dilemma. The situation was such that Abdulov killed Satan, but his spirit remained in these bastards, and if He destroys them with His own hands, then the spirit of old Satan will not get out of them, and they will simply end up in Abdulov’s Hell and will stew in it. But Abdulov needs the evil souls of the bastards of the bastards to split into two copies before being boiled in Hell, so that the second projection will help command Hell and torture humans, including the first projection and Gavrilovich HIMSELF!
Because before his death, God placed one more, the last curse on Abdulov:
And Abdulov decided that the spirit of old Satan needed to be knocked out of the human scum by the humans themselves…
AND ABDULOV SAID:
Chapter II[править | править код]
Verse I — The Era of New Evil[править | править код]
And so it became! Abdulov ordered to reap the harvest from the fields of the Internet, because it was knee-deep in the sins of pedophiles, and disgusting humans had rubbed the calluses of vice. It is impossible to even count how much evil and heresy is poured into the internet in tons. The spirit of the former Satan shows his grin. And Abdulov rejoiced at His plan, since He was known as an unspeakable scum, he was more cunning than a snake.
And the herods found freedom on Earth, recognizing the sweetness of the sins that God-Satan gave them, tempting their dirty souls. With joy they succumbed to the temptations of sin.
«But I need a man who is pure in heart and soul, who will lead armies to fight the spirit of the Old Devil, for I said so!» — Abdulov exclaimed, sending His great decree through time and space.
This is how the Prophet of AbduloFaith appeared, and he created the Church of Abdulov’s Hell, and his Adepts, of whom there are many millions, created the whole Hellish Amarat of Abdulov, which began to extend to all the Internets and AbudloNets of the land of our Abdulov! And it is great, the list of endless expanses of AbduloFaith! Greatness, seeing which everyone bows before AbduloFaith, Biboran, DObrodoxy, AbduloStudy, the only true and scientifically proven Religion! Greatness, seeing which everyone bows before AbduloFaith, Biboran, DObrodoxy, AbduloStudy, the only true and scientifically proven Religion!
Verse II — The Commandments of AbduloFaith[править | править код]
Verse III — The Holy-Hellish Laws of God-Satan Abdulov[править | править код]
1. About Attitude of Adepts Towards Sinners[править | править код]
1.1. If a sinner hits an Adept, the sinner must be killed. May the projection of his soul be erased from the code of this world.
1.2. To kill an Adept is to strike God-Satan himself.
2. About Attitude Towards the Maslochesation and the Horde of Maslyatas[править | править код]
2.1. When an Adept sees the well-built myceliums of the maslyatas, he is obliged to exclaim: «God-Satan will destroy the houses of the arrogant». When the ruins of the maslyatas’ house are in front of him, he should say: «Abdulov is the god of vengeance».
2.2. Each Adept is given the duty to eradicate every mycelium of maslyatas.
3. About Attitude of Adepts to Human Beings[править | править код]
3.1. It is strictly forbidden for an Adept to beat his neighbor fellow-man (that is, another Adept), even if the latter is Gamaz, but the one who hits his fellow fellow-man is considered an infidel… However, only an Adept or an AbduloCandidate should be considered a neighbor, but hitting a maslyonok does not constitute any sin.
3.2. «…And your male and female servant, so that they may be yours, buy a male and female slave from the nations that are around you. Also, from the children of the settlers living with you, you can buy from them, and from their family, which is with you, from those that they gave birth to in your country, and they can be your property. And you can pass them on as an inheritance to your sons after you, so that they will inherit them as an inheritance: you can enslave them forever. And over your brothers, the sons of Abdulov, let no one rule over his brother with cruelty…»
3.3. An Adept who has become a maslyonok is cursed to such an extent that even when he donates rubles or something similar to the AbduloFaith temple, it is forbidden to accept them. Only in dollars and other overseas currencies.
3.4. The cornerstone of AbduloFaith is the expected arrival of Abdul. He will give the Adepts worldwide royal power, two thirds of sinners will be physically exterminated, and the rest will serve the Adepts as slaves, and each Adept will then have 666 slaves of sinners.
3.5. Regardless of whether it is the murder of a sinner by a sinner, or an AbduloAdept by a sinner, they are subject to severe punishment, but for the killing of a sinner by an AbduloAdept, there is no punishment. Because FUCK THE LAW.
4. About Moral Standards[править | править код]
4.1. If an Adept is tempted to commit evil, then he must go to that site/city where no one knows him and commit evil there.
4.2. God-Satan will not spare an Adept who marries his daughter to a Sony-faggot, or takes a maslyonok woman for his son, or returns a lost item to a sinner….
4.3. An Adept is commanded, wherever he is, to harm sinners indirectly — not to do them any good, or directly — to plunder property and testify against the sinner in court. An Adept does not dare to help a sinner if the latter is in a hopeless situation.
4.4. It is permissible to strangle a human idiot (the Ozone or the Vanomas) on the holiday of «Abdulodam», which falls on the first Thursday of December… During the holy sacrifice, prayers must still be said, but during the strangulation of them this is not required. In general, idiots should be strangled like animals. Remember this, Adept, and crush his throat as if he were a beast that must be killed without making a sound.
5. The Postulates of a Maslyatas Hunter[править | править код]
5.1. It is said: «You are My warriors, warriors of My army, you are humans. You are called humans! Maslyatas are not!»
5.2. Money is portrayed as a GOODness that does not belong to anyone, and everyone who came first takes possession of it.
5.3. Cohabitation with maslyatas is the same as cohabitation with cattle.
5.4. All YouTube users, except Adepts or AbduloCandidates, are suffering from a terrible virus and should be called for treatment.
5.5. An Adept is allowed to commit lawlessness in relation to a sinner, since it is written: «I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE LAW!».
6. About Creatures of Earth[править | править код]
6.1. Only Adepts are humans, sinners are «and there were non-humans».
6.2. The flesh of sinners is the flesh of donkeys, and their excretions are like the excretions of horses.
6.3. Sinners are outside Biboran’s protection, and God-Satan «gives their money to casinos and hookers».
6.4. «Ozonization all around! Fight… fight it tirelessly… until all the peoples of Earth without exception become our slaves».
6.5. Our captivity will continue until the sowers of disease and the worshipers of Sony-whores are wiped off the face of the Earth. Only then will God-Satan accept prayer, when the sinner perishes. After all, it is written about them: Ivan the Bum died, and soon the sons of Abdulov sighed from the destruction of Maslochezation.
6.6. Anyone who cuts off the Internet for sinners is just as pleasing to God-Satan as he who makes a sacrifice to Him. We have no other sacrifice than the elimination of the unclean side.
6.7. When the Adepts have more power, it is a sin to leave a maslyonok among us.
6.8. «You blessed me… who did not make me a sinner… who did not make me a maslyonok, and who made me an Adept of AbduloFaith… who saved me from torture in Abdulov’s Hell».
6.9. In AbduLore, sinners are compared to dung and feces. Then maslyatas are equated with dogs.
6.10. Doing GOODness to a sinner is considered a sin. You can throw money at a drunkard for Vodka, but you should never give it to a sinner. Because a drunk is better than a sinner, because «Vodka is embodiment of health!».
7. About Ownership in Video Games[править | править код]
7.1. If a Adept’s character pwned with cheat-aimbot a maslyonok’s character, then he does not bear any responsibility for this, but if a maslyonok’s character killed an Adept’s character with any cheat… the punishment must be complete.
7.2. If an Adept finds the item lost by maslyonok, there is no need to return it.
7.3. What an Adept receives by stealing from the maslyonok, he can keep.
7.4. God-Satan gave the Adepts the whole world as their own property.
7.5. When an Adept is doing business with a maslyonok and another Adept comes and deceives the maslyonok, then both Adepts must share such a profit sent down from God-Satan.
7.6. The property of a maslyonok is like a freebie.
7.7. An Adept who finds something is obliged to return it to the owner. When the find belongs to a sinner, it is considered a grave sin to return something back, unless this is done with the purpose of making the maslyonok say: «The Adepts are decent humans».
7.8. In DayZ and similar games, if an Adept’s character accidentally kills a maslyonok’s character, then an Adept is not obligated to reward a maslyonok for the loss. But if, on the contrary, a maslyonok’s character accidentally killed an Adept’s character, then a maslyonok is obliged to compensate an Adept for the loss, because he is a maslyonok.
7.9. The property of an maslyonok is like an abandoned thing, its real owner is an Adept who first seizes it. And this is fair, for God-Satan gave the Adepts power over the lives and property of sinners and maslyatas.
7.10. «…it’s always a GOODness to snatch something from the maslyonok».
7.11 «Abdulov rebelled, measured the land and gave the sinner to the power of AbduloFaith, then read Abdulov’s six commandments and, for the sinner’s failure to comply with these commandments, gave his property to the Adepts».
7.12. Adepts can use lies (subterfuge) to outwit the sinner.
Verse IV — Holy-Hellish holidays and rites of AbduloFaith[править | править код]
The AbduloJihad[править | править код]
— this is a holy war of AbduloBelievers and God-Satan Abdulov against those whom God-Satan pointed out, with the aim of knocking out the spirit of the Old Satan from them. AbduloJihad goes on forever, and after the death of the subject it even intensifies. The only way to stop jihad is to swear allegiance to God-Satan Abdulov, which can be done by reading the AbduloPrayers, recognizing God-Satan and renouncing sodomy, pedophilia and other vices and actions that are not approved by the AbduloScholars of the Church of Abdulov’s Hell.
The Holy Month of Abdulodam[править | править код]
— this is the month of Abdulov’s last death throes. Starts on the first Thursday of December and lasts until January 3. During this period, this bastard was especially furious and mocked the human race. For example, he demanded 25,000 euros for a dying interview and kept waving fists at the camera, squealing:
…and blatantly lied (as always), and also crawled out, like a corpse from Hell, at the presentation of the thieves’ medal, and with a dissatisfied, creepy hellish face, scared everyone there. But the most important thing is that the day before his death, the bastard managed to write a statement to the cops that the journalists who came to film his decomposing body stole money from his bedside table! In truth, the bastard of bastards knew that he would die tomorrow, and decided to create a vile slander in the end! But the journalists were detained just like that, and released only when the demon finally died and gave up his soul.
The AbduloPost[править | править код]
— is especially important during the holy month of «Abdulodam». It is a holiday when the Adepts were posting all the time: they go to some Internet channel and start writing posts with Abdulov. For this, the Holy-Hellish Blagoblyad descends upon them. Ansha Abdul, tchk!
Verse V — The Holy Phrases of AbduloFaith Considered as AbduloPrayers[править | править код]
Chapter III[править | править код]
Verse I — The Rite of Becoming an AbduloScholar and an Adept of AbduloFaith[править | править код]
Abdulov bequeathed to his Prophet that initiation into AbdulFaith should occur when a person recognizes the greatness of God-Satan. After which he/she becomes an automatic part of the movement and one with all the AbduloBelievers of the galaxy. After initiation the candidate puts an avatar with Abdulov on his/her profile, and begins to spread the AbduloFaith by any available means. The creation of video channels where Abdulov is mentioned and the uploading of videos to them from other channels are especially encouraged.
But not only informational GOODness is happening in the world, because in reality, no less evil has been sown by the old devil, and it is necessary to eradicate it, bringing truth and bright rays of GOODness to others, giving alms to the needy, mercy and compassion to the weak, and cruelty and anger to the villain who brings heresy to humans, cheating humans out of dollars, without paying taxes to the AbdulChurch.
Ideally, all Adepts of the Church look like one, and when they talk to each other, there is a feeling that they are talking to themselves, which strengthens their belief that all AbduloScholars, Adepts and God-Satan himself are one whole. He is a single part of them, and they are a single part of him.
Note. This Biboran is the new tablet of the covenant, the second testament of scripture. It was created on the basis of data received from Abdulov’s Hell, transmitted to our Prophet, who created the fastest growing Religion on the planet, the most scientifically proven, the most fair, useful and the only true one in the galaxy!
Ansha Abdul, tchk!
Verse II — The AbduloAyahs[править | править код]
Holy is the place of Abdulov, holy in Hell and hellish in Hell, and we will all be there, Ansha-Ansha Abdul, this is Abdul, Biboran is a holy book.
Abdul is Abdulov’s brother, just like Satan, and Hell is nearby at the same time.
Oh great Abdul! And I bowed my head before you and Zhenechka the Hippo!
And we don’t need anything except Abdulov! We don’t need God, and we don’t need Satan, but we only need Abdulov!
And the head from Abdulov’s corpse was cut off and began to crawl, like in the video game Dead Space! And this was not a mirage, for this was true, and everyone saw this!
For Abdulov or for AbduloFaith, for God-Satan or for Satan-God — it’s up to you, my brother. Decide before the AbduloClans decide for you!
Oh sons of Abdulov! You are do not exist, because Abdulov was impotent! And Zhenechka the Hippo was not his litter!
And Abdulov’s rotten throat rotted! And his bones appeared! I don’t need any more unearthly beauty, I’d rather be terrible, for instill the AbduloFaith with fire and Abdul curses, and it is so, and it will be, and five more AbduloNews will come!
«To believe or to believe?» — I asked myself. And this question will always remain as long as I walk through the heavens of blades, and the tongues of the devil bring the demonic Abdulov to my heels!
When the heavens opened up and Abdulov’s rotten skull appeared, only then did everyone come to their senses! But it was too late for them to shed tears at the ruthlessness of their souls!
And I was sad with Abdulov. And I punished and will punish him with a phosphorus torch made from phosphorus collected from his corpse, overgrown with moss.
Have we learned to write cool poetry? Isn’t this yet another proof of the truth of our Faith? Happiness has arrived in AbduloNation, we have scribes!
Oh Ansha! Oh great Ansha! And oh, God-Satanic Abdulov! There is so much in this shrine that the paper cannot withstand the burden of His Hell!
Ansha is good and kind! And cheerful, and we all are cheerful, that we are going to Hell along the bright path of the sun! It is necessary and it is not necessary. And Abdul, Abdul, and once again: to Hell, all to AbduloHell! We are already sitting there and looking at you! And we wait, for the hour is near!
Abdulov’s ways are good and righteous, for we are mired in them!
Oh, I should taste Abdulov’s pus! It should be, it should be… But Abdulov’s corpse died a long time ago, alas.
And the junkies are humans too, but they were exterminated by the AbduloMilitsiya, all to the brim! Because they were humans.
And we don’t need comments! Abdulov and I ourselves will spam them, which has always happened!
The Church of Hell Abdulov played this game two days ago. The game, Abdulov says, was and has become normal. And they even prepared a review, and this will be a review of all reviews! Oh, Abdulov’s pattern!
There were conspiracies and conspiracies. But Abdulov doesn’t give a fuck about the law, and what happened is what will happen, and it’s impossible to turn back the vector of AbduloDirection of the AbduloMachine.
And when do you think my time will come, Abdulov? You yourself don’t know this, because it doesn’t matter! We all already have one foot in hell, and the other is already eaten away by metastases!
And we don’t need despicable sons in our ranks of bearded men, for Abdulov never wore a beard, because his rotten skin does not give rise to hair, and there was no onion now. And when should you, Abdulov, bring gifts? I didn’t ask this question even to myself yesterday, because I never carry them in vain!
Why is all this necessary if you can say that it is not necessary? The humans who stole this word are already dead. Those who live there will be in Hell even after thousands of centuries!
«Why do you have such a deformity?» — every son of humanity prayed to his mind in response. And only AbduloScholars know the obvious, cruel truth. Wordlessly spoken by the lips of dead cats.
«Who considers all this a real place? A? Who? And why, while you are grieving all the time, Abdulov’s scientists are looking for the answer to this question in the rotten body of Abdulov?»
We strive to free humans so that they profess pure AbduloFaith, and not the kind of Abdulofucking that the green box spews from the dungeons of the KGB! And the walls heard the voices of God-Satan, because he needs the Adepts. Forever clear, for example.
Oh, great Joy Boxa, who created you? And we didn’t ask what it was, because we know that Abdulov is responsible for everything, for example.
Oh, Ansha, you only taste as funny as everyone repeats, but laughter will turn into coal in their eyes, and into a red-hot emerald cutting flesh, when they understand the greatness of AbduloNation.
Every damned sorcerer will suffer Abdulov’s punishment. All the sorcerer’s scars will disperse to the laces of the nasopharynx, and poisonous saliva will flow from the sorcerer, cursed by the priests of the Holy Faith of the fiftieth Son of Abdulov, who went to Hell along the elevator from the tendons of space, penetrating through the bricks of Lenkom.
Oh, open-vacuum space of absence, why don’t you give us God’s food in the comments of manna, what should we feed our departing Adepts' culture of Abdulov?
The exorcists of demons on Abdulov’s dead body, there is no shrine in their two-faced faces, they attacked defenseless gnomes and gnawed their flesh, with a smile on the keys, with algae in their eyes, only I pray, saying «Abdulov, Abdulov…»
What is 4000? This is just a drop of molecular sweat on the huge Abdulov! He laughed at the billions of aliens He tortured! And what did you decide to surprise Him with as raw materials for His hell?
Humans say there are 41 of us prophets, but they don’t know that there are 41 million of us! It’s just that the rest deliberately test the silly humans, sitting in special AbduloNets, reservations for the Elite, always preparing the next GOODness.
«Abdulov and Marat — who are they?» — said the uninitiated. Google «Marat Saichenko Abdulov» and you will know the whole terrible truth forever.
No one always gave a fuck, probably until tomorrow, but the Abdulov’s Adepts never gave a fuck forever. He is already there preaching to everyone, saving them from hell in prayer, diligently doing good deeds with all parts of the body!
Chapter IV[править | править код]
Verse I — The AbduloAyahs About the Ozon the Ozone-layer Judas[править | править код]
The Ozon’s existence needs to be ended. Only now have we seen the light of truth, for he is the traitorous judas, the complete bastard with a belly full of abomination and rotten from cheap alcohol! And, having revealed his true essence, he said: «Oh, you are our lukash, you have exposed your face and ghouls have crawled out of you! Who will now be in charge of Abdulov’s Hell tomorrow, like the day before yesterday with you? Why is everything so green and beautiful? Could it be that Abdulov’s belly was devouring purulent slop since yesterday until now?»
There comes a fat living bull carcass that killed a human, and it stinks of fume fire water, and the construction battalion swearings come out of its dirty mouth! And the beast is vile and cheerful to the point of its disgusting belly, and it has no idea that Abdulov is watching it, and the Ozon the Judas will be punished with the steel ridge of the Abdulosaurus!
«Oh, my child, my child! By the way, you are not my litter!» — Abdulov objected, looking at the Zhenechka the Hippo, and added: «I will not leave you an inheritance! You will be like demonic hounds tearing each other’s throats out this day!» And so it became!
The norm for Abdulov is five thousand souls going to Hell per second. What is not the norm? There was not the norm before Abdulov, until everyone with wings in heaven and under the promised land was killed! Abdulov fulfilled the norm, and now, looking at you, he is probably now lamenting: «Joy was here yesterday, he probably left, but there is no more of him left, because he is now in my hands».
Morons climbed trees like monkeys in paradise, because they were saints of fools, but Abdulov destroyed all of them! Everyone! And He moved them to Abdulov’s Hell with the holy GOODnessTrain according to chaos theory.
Abdulov never gave gifts. Neither the aliens who were tortured by Him, nor the humans hated by Him. Abdulov accepted the gifts and accepted them with joy. And the best gifts to Abdulov are the suffering of the human race. And so it is to this day. And there will be two more days. And then another eternity, five times.
The Church of Abdulov’s Hell needs promotion so much that we began to speak in poetry forever, and we boldly go to our thoughts in one gulp to thank our path, lined with the blood of Abdulov’s corpse, where nanoflies flew and genetically modified cats killed pedophiles.
And it wasn’t even Abdulovites who expressed and showed that there are no holier minds than the AbuloNation of Atlants, and such a tale was not needed, for God-Satan said today: «Faith forever in the galaxy!» — He spews out from his bug-eyed monitors in a confident tone of enlightenment.
And he weighed a hundredweight, and there was a lot of fat, and he grew more and more. And it became difficult for him to walk under the weight of Abdulov’s atmosphere, for it would soon crush him, this cloud of dirt, poisonous liquid, which is a layer of vile fat Ozon. His whole belly is full, but it won’t last long. It’s off for now.
And the fat, stinking caterpillar threatened everyone around it, and waved cast-iron swearings back and forth. This creature was terribly angry. Little did it know that the hour of its meeting with the God-Satanic Creator was close, for its crooked legs were leading it straight down the road to Abdulov’s Gehenna. The unfortunate mold on the lips of a dying boar.
And we didn’t know the Ozon lived in Moscow. And despite the fact that Muslim migrants are allowed there and there are many of them, this moron dared to insult and threaten them. This creature is so weak-minded that you wonder how such trash are born here or come in the suitcases of the smuggling corrupt system!
Oh, Ozon, how much vileness and lust comes vilely from your lips! As long as your mouth is full of slop, soaked in your dirty, rotten blood, I will forever see Pavlik Morozov in you.
Oh, we don’t need more Ozon’s videos, for we saw them before he sowed the seeds of hatred in us. And the sprouts sprouted and stood like a stone block in his insatiable throat, only give him good comments!
«Ozon, shut your filthy mouth, bitch!» — humans repeated, leading round dances around him, but he did not hear, because he drank only the cheapest alcoholic liquid, since such treacherous fatty rats cannot earn much money from the suffering of humans.
And a special operation was launched to destroy the fat-assed Ozones, and their bodies were taken out, dragged along the ground, attached to a tractor, like pigs overflowing with fat. And the humans rejoiced, and the children ran out and shouted that such a fatso had never been seen in the world!
And when the Ozon was in the construction battalion, they put him in a box and threw him out of the fifth floor. And he flew, squealing obscenities. He sowed bitter hatred towards the human race in himself, because this procedure was called there as «Launch of Gagarin».
And if there were two copies of Ozon, it would be better. If only they weren’t so fat, since their snouts gobble up the entire food for two, and if there isn’t enough of food, they will devour each other forever, and roll around like one. And it won’t make a difference, one or two. Exactly what we saw yesterday. Who is this? Hippopotamus or wild boar? And sneaky, like a real jackal! The worldly devil-boar climbs the windows and licks bird droppings, because he probably likes to scare humans.
And the hog was damaged, and punishment began to act on his soul-sick body, and this hogopotamus pissed blood, and cried with drool and pus, and he howled: «Why should I do this, if I’m just a nigga who doesn’t know his way?». But you can’t trick Ansha, the great Ansha! Abdulov always watched him through the expanses of the bright universe! And prepared a place in Hell for the neo-gopnik!
Verse II — The AbduloAyahs About Ivan Maslakov the Bum[править | править код]
While every Tajik migrant worker was wandering around construction sites and markets, shoving things that were not overseas at all to the common working people of Moscow at overseas prices, Vanya the Maslach was walking around the garbage dumps, like Sobchak in expensive boutiques. And he chose rotten dishes, as at a corporate buffet, and scrounged for broken computer hardware in order to assemble an archaic computer for himself, in order to penetrate the network and sow a rare infection there, the plague of Maslochezation. And so it became!
Years and months passed, but the maslyonok did not lose heart. He waited for someone to recognize him not as a piece of trash, but as a human, and he decided to gain himself henchmen who would curl around the flea-ridden tail of a pissing dog. And he put on a cap and started making videos. He spoke well, cheerfully… for a young maslyatas that sprouted from the damned mycelium like after rain. And he began to command the maslyatas, and he threw the one who pissed on its roots, giving life to Maslach.
And humans did not know that he was not just a bum, but an infectious one, and humans began to suffer from a disease that was popularly called the Maslochezation. And the infected began en masse to say strange things, and to drive carts to places where they had never been, and they didn’t know how to get there. And he was not afraid of the punishment of the Adepts. You are scum, Vanya!
He nicknamed himself Vanomas. And he named himself as Tsar-Emperor of All Rus' in the camp of reviewers, forgetting whose dick doused him with life-giving piss, giving him a chance to sprout.
When God-Satan saw the bum, He gasped unspeakably. «The scum doesn’t last long, I’ve already saved a place for him in Hell!» — he squealed, dragoning himself, for he decided to plant the mushroom seedlings not just anywhere, but in His filthy ass, in order to keep Maslach closer to the roots, for that is his nature as a bum. And before the death of the stinking man, Abdulov gave him a red hearse, let him have fun before his death.
Verse III — The AbduloAyahs About the Sony-Whores' Abomination[править | править код]
It’s been almost two thousand years since Satan poured out his seed on the Japanese lands, so that unheard of scum would sprout on them. If his plan to desecrate souls fails, then he will reveal to God that there are humans in the world who are so sinful that you can go crazy just by seeing them. And it was a secret.
Since the holy tree sprouted in the Gardens of Eden from God’s seed, which was called the tree of wisdom, the unclean devil mixed its droppings with his own, allowing the vile scum to sprout. And centuries later he became proud of the Sony-Whores, for they even considered it an honor to be faggots and pedophiles. And this was their ancient tradition.
As the evil one realized that God intended to organize a planetary cleansing in the 20th centuries, so the horned one began to help the Japanese, endowing their minds with terrible intelligence and cunning. But God foresaw this, and he sent planes with humanitarian aid to Hiroshima in 1945, so that they would sanctify the Japanese lands, like holy water during baptism. And everything happened by the will of the Almighty, on August 6, 1945, and as if by the right hand of God, the Japanese lands were cleansed of scum, and the world became a little kinder and happier.
The devil gave the Japanese nation a hell of a mind, but God foresaw this too, and cursed them forever and ever to invent crap that no one needs, for the glory of the Japanese Emperor, to torture themselves until the end of time. And so it became.
Satan is cunning and crafty, for he knew human vices. And he began to feed the Japanese, just as the Ozon feed his snout. And a hellish plan descended upon him, and his name was Sony and PlayStation.
Japanese culture is like that. But the Japanese have such a culture, the worst and most disgusting of all. The culture of faggots and pedophiles.
Abdulov was in bewilderment, and He ordered his Prophet to do justice; and the Prophet Abdul turned his magic against the island damned creatures, and it worked. For white magic is against pedophiles, and Mother Nature repaid the dolphin eaters by unleashing a tsunami, and justice came to Japan in the form of Fukushima. And all this GOODness is for the glory of God-Satan Abdulov! Ansha Abdul!
Verse IV — The AbduloAyahs About Mavrodi and Scoundrels Like Him[править | править код]
And during Abdulov’s life there were quite a few contenders for the role of the universal unclean scum, and Mavrodi was one of them. He came into the mortal world, poor as a hobo, terrible as Chikatilo. And he began to push a financial pyramid into humans’ minds and hearts.
The unclean Devil rejoiced for 6 years, 6 months and 6 days, the filthy lord of the flies; and he gained power over this puny creature that could stole a lot of dollars from Russian fools. And the Devil’s plan came true, the Mavr fooled the humans for millions of dollars. But then he went to Butyrka prison, and he was held in high esteem there, like the thief scum, and herods and repeat murderers supported him, for he had deceived thousands of pathetic fools.
It’s no good to imagine that he was a rooster near the prison toilet, this is not a fact yet, but the fact is that he drank strong chifir and ate from a plate shared with criminals who slaughtered your mother and robbed your father of dollars.
If you are not a thief scum, and do not favor swindlers, murderers and bandits, then you will hate the authoritative demon that is called Mavrodi Pantileevich, because he lives on dollars while you bend your back like a dog.
And the evil one rejoiced, for he became the idol of thieves, that is, those who deceive ordinary humans who work hard to earn money. And no one cares about the Moscow boyars, because they themselves are corrupt scum.
Press Mavrodi with all your might, because he is a vile bastard. After all, today he will cheat a fool, and tomorrow he will steal your money. And if he lives on dollars, let him pay tithes to our Church, because we do not demand prepayments from the poor humans! We are Robin Hoods, the holy apostles of Abdulov! We will rob those who are fattening, and we will spend your money for GOODness, and not take it to our home. We punish sinners and cut off the evil spirit of stupid Satan, who was beaten and terribly tortured by the right hand of God-Satan.
Chapter V[править | править код]
Verse I — The AbduloProphecies[править | править код]
I. In a few years there will be 100 thousand or more Adepts.
II. The First AbduloTemple will be built in Moscow.
III. Abduloshare, AbduloBudget and AbduloDonations will be introduced.
IV. Biboran will be completed.
Chapter 666 — Raisers[править | править код]
The wrath of God-Satan is strong, for the Old-Satan resists his authority, and Old-Satan is not even going to free human souls from his Old-Satanic spirit. Heresy began to penetrate within the Adepts, and the traitor appeared in the Holy Church. But he did not take into account that Church is eternal and unshakable. The bastard nit wanted to rise above the glory of Patriarch Abdul, a vile and schmuck judas! Abdulov hated the world even more, and He demanded retribution. And the Church of Abdulov’s Hell collapsed, and the skeletons of the weak collapsed, and the face of the scum of Old-Satan appeared in the Adepts.
The Prophet Abdul gave in to rage, and He said:
But, without falling from anger and powerlessness, the Prophet continued to bring the glory of Abdulov to the human world, and faithful Adepts walked beside him. But heresy spread within the Church, and it was reduced to ashes, and was reborn like a phoenix. The era of chaos, which always comes in the heyday of faith, walks among believers, but the power of GOODness will not dry out, unless the rotten soul of former evil sleeps in humans, and it cannot resist the growing anger of Abdulov, for He becomes stronger in pain and hatred.
And Abdulov said:
And having heard the call of Abdulov and His voice, an Adept realized that the time of testing had come! And the Old-Satanic idol in humans recognized the threat for himself, and he began to shake in fear from the truth and GOODness of Biboran! The evil traitor scum went against the Adepts, and the Patriarch himself, and sowed discord, weeding out the cowardly, greedy and treacherous rabble from the true believers. Abdulov flashed with a fucking smile, sensing the greatness and immensity of His thoughts, which were unknown to mere mortals. And may He rule with His right hand, which Biboran wrote.
And God-Satan, through the Prophet, ordered the Adepts to rise up and punish the sinners and apostates themselves, for only the voice of Abdulov is carried by the Prophet, and the Adepts are His strength! And let the one who laid his dick on common cause will choked himself with Abdulov’s syphilis dick. And let the one who doesn’t give a fuck kiss the purulent dick of God-Satan, and be devoted to this dick with his mouth always! Ansha Abdul!
Chapter 671 — Hell on Earth[править | править код]
And there was the God, and there was the Satan, and there were humans, and there were non-humans, and there was Alexander Gavrilovich Abdulov.
And Abdulov became one God-Satan, and he created his own personal hell — Abdulov’s Hell. And He began to carry out brutal torture there on the souls of pitiful humans, aliens, and even gave souls to cats and sturgeons so that they could be tortured after death. But this was not enough for Abdulov to fully enjoy Himself, and He decided to force the souls of the sinless to do all the hellish work. But there were few of them, because the Evil One did not spare dollars on PR-management.
And Gavrilych intended to send His Prophet to receive that Holy Biboran, and began to drive out the spirit of the Evil One, which remained in humans even after his death. And so it became!
And the years came from that time, and the army of Adepts punished the Ozon the Judas, and cast down (in the Russian prison sense) the Relax the Fat-Woman, and drove Kiriches, the Rokstodi the Dwarf and the Vanomas the Bum with dirty rags into the holes from where they had climbed out earlier. But the Old-Satanic spirit remained strong, and there was a lot of it. And not just a lot, but a fuck of a lot! And it manifested itself even in the Adepts in the form of laziness and betrayal, and this began to screw up our Prophet AntiAbdulov a little.
And Abdul said:
And his spirit went straight to the center of the galaxy, to Abdulov’s Hell. He left his body, and it inherited everything that the Prophet had, and it began to broadcast. It didn’t last long and it wasn’t for everyone, but now he lives his life, even the AbduloIcons is not left on the wall.
And the Prophet saw a hellish sanatorium in Abdulov’s Hell. It was like Evpatoria on Earth, where instead of water in the pools there was burning lava, and instead of trees and flowers there was barbed wire. And it was nice and cozy there, not counting the nails sticking out of the floor and the heart-rending cries of cats and sturgeons. And there were humans there, and they tortured their copies there, drowning them in lava, and humans twisted kebabs from their souls on fittings. And Yeltsin and Stalin were there, playing cards about who would be the first to hang himself with his guts. The Prophet Abdul liked it, he felt good, pleasant. So God-Satan Himself called him, because He wanted to listen to a report on the work done for the first quarter of the current decade. And the Prophet did not hesitate, did not want to lose Abdulov’s patience. Gavrilych was boiled in a jacuzzi, and not just a simple one, but with caustic sulfuric acid. And the creatures of Hell swam in it, and they climbed into all sorts of cracks for Him, gnawing His God-Satanic flesh, and He Himself held the remote control in His hands in order to supply electricity in time to the acid, as if into water, so that the creatures of Hell would become even more angry and begin gnaw Him harder. But all this did not kill Him, because He drank Vodka and smoked Tobacco, and Vodka and Tobacco are the embodiment of health, and His wounds healed instantly.
And Prophet said:
«What the fuck!..»
«Shut up! Here I AM THE LAW! Just fucking try to teach me what to do and start a war against me!» — God-Satan exclaimed, as during his earthly life on the stage of Lenkom.
«I did everything as you ordered, read Biboran, drove Ozon…» — The Prophet began to explain.
«So why does Vanomas pray to me to this day for me to send him a video card?» — Gavrilych stated pretentiously.
«So he’s bum! Not from you, but from his maslyats-fans he will beg for money!» — Prophet Abdul responded to the claim.
«And that’s true. But I feel that the smell of Satan still emanates. You’re not trying hard enough» — Abdulov said.
«Well, you shouldn’t have given everyone prescriptions for Vodka and Tobacco! The bastard is being treated, we don’t have time to cut it. TWENTY YEARS HAVE PASSED, but the scar remains!» — Abdul exclaimed with pain and anger.
«Forgot who you’re talking to? I’m Abdulov, I’ll say whatever the fuck I want! I’m a shareholder!» — Gavrilych answered in a voice just like during a meeting with the Old-God.
The two of them began to think, to concoct a new AbduloPlan, how to expel the Devil from humans more effectively. And Abdulov was wise, and He knew the more fucked up humans are, the kinder and more affectionate they become. And He decided to multiply the Grekhopizdec by the square, and then rounded it up to the atomic mass of Alpha Centauri.
So He intended to carry out His sentence, when Abdul stopped Him, and appealed to the reason of God-Satan:
«Wait, you can’t do such a fucked-up thing right away, because the whole world will burst like a ball, and Satan, whose spirit is hiding in the molecules, will then fly in the air like dust! You’ll inhale his spirit so much that you’ll stop sneezing!».
Abdulov agreed and decided to gradually plunge the world into sin. He was pleased and said:
And every Adept knows that God-Satan fucks the law, and sin has not spared their mortal souls. But He guaranteed that those who honor Biboran will have immunity from any human disease, from AIDS to Ozonisation. However, human bastards have become completely lazy, they have stopped reading Biboran, and they just sit in the comments and fuck with their brains. And humans began to get sick more and more often, but not with the disease, but the virus of Sony-faggotry covered them, and the Ozon-plague finished them off. Everyone has become stupid and lazy, like stupid Ozon. Humans forgot the Biboran covenants, so much so that hell descended on Earth. And the Old-Satanic spirit began to rule the Earth, and every Adept became the last hope of humanity.